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March 02, 2009

How To Tell If You’re In Love?

Posted in: Love

Telling whether you are in love or not is actually really simple. The problem is that things start getting so weird and your emotions so intense, that figuring out what’s going on can be rather difficult. If it happens fast, the powerful emotions that we feel can send us heading for the hills with the screaming meemies and never really finding out what was happening. For others, the build-up is slower, til they find that the one they need is beside them where they belong. When this happens, you’re in love before you realize it: So how to tell if you’re in love only comes in 20/20 hindsight.

Love

Ever hear of love at first sight? It’s a myth right? Well I can tell you that it happened to me. I think when you fall in love this way, it is the only clear way to be able to answer the question.

Honestly,I didn’t know that I had fallen for Marc in that moment I first saw him; I just knew that it took extraordinary concentration to get my coffee cup back onto the table at the restaurant we met at. In fact, I didn’t know what I was feeling for him until our third meeting. This was despite my behaviour being outside the boundaries I usually set for myself:

1) I told him that he needed to break up with his fiancee!

This was a thing I would normally never do. A guy who was with someone was strictly off limits and never to be talked to as anything other than a non-gendered person.

2) I used anything I could to “prove” my point, including astrology and anything he told me about himself and her.

This to me was/is highly unethical, wrong, and bordering on evil: No one has the right to interfere in this way with someone’s on-going relationship. Ever. Yet here I was…

3) Every chance I got, I made it clear without being too overt for the most part that I was the much better catch for him.

This was “Slutty Behaviour 101 in my books. My belief has always been if I don’t have what it takes to get your attention and then keep it just by being myself, your loss. Throwing myself at anyone was not ever to be done and I had never done it… Until I met Marc.

Now, consider that I did all that the first time we met, in just a four hour conversation, and you have some idea of what a deviant Marc turned me into. Yeah. It was all his fault… I like that. Better than me being responsible.

The second time we met, Marc invited me over to his table for coffee and he had his fiance with him. I joined them and quickly found out I happened to be quite right about myself being the better choice as I found her to be immature, fake and really, really stupid. As a result, I went back to my behaviour of have a good look at what you could have. However, after a hour of conversation made the differences obvious, I started asking him in front of her why he was with her and that he could do so much better! He told me that he knew that and then left his answer hanging. I found his answer odd, but I was so intent on prying him away from this girl, that what he said didn’t really register. Very frighteningly, she had no idea what we were talking about even though I had asked him very directly and he had answered just as directly. To me, this simply served to drive home my point about being the better choice. I used every opportunity she threw my way and they were many, to remind him of this. Being an intelligent woman, there was only so much of this person I could stomach and so took my leave at the end of the second hour.

I’ve never had any patience with truly stupid people who do nothing to work on their inner beauty. I have even less with those girls (not women) who do nothing but rely on their faces to get them through life. Chosen, idiotic stupidity is not a Life Path I think is worthy of consideration. “But maybe she was really nice”, I hear some of you thinking. Nope. Too stupid. “Pretty girls smile and make all the right noises, but shouldn’t have anything else to offer”, was her guiding force.

Up to this point, Marc had tried to make it very clear that who he was with, was who he was loyal to. Try as I might, I couldn’t get him to go against this ethic, which was thoroughly frustrating. And admirable. But it really was annoying. Normally, I would applaud a man when he’s that way, and tell the girl/woman that she should hang on to him no matter what, even if she was as stupid as the one Marc was with. I’d smile and say, “Good for you!” and mean every word. The trouble was she happened to be with Marc and Marc… Well, I hadn’t made it that far.

Our third meeting occured at the local mall. I happened to run into him whilst doing some shopping and, yay, the fiance was not with him. I tried convincing him to go for coffee with me, but found out he was waiting for that “special” someone and that she was late. I asked him to go with me if she didn’t show up. He said he’d love to, but was pretty sure she would be there sooner or later. Looking back, I realize he was trying to tell me something, but I had my focus on 10 with him and that left little room for feedback. Anyway, she did in fact show up about fifteen minutes later. Marc got up looking (to me) very happy and smiling gave her a big kiss. My heart just gently closed its doors. I quietly slipped away to finish my shopping only to stop and look back for a moment. In that moment I had the clearest revelation of my life that hit me like a wall. I discovered how to tell if you’re in love:

Despite my feelings of love (yes love), as long as he was happy, I was ok to let him go. His happiness was more important than my own. I suddenly knew there would never be anyone else in my heart, but that was all right, because Marc had already found his happiness. I took a moment to drink this in and wondered at it, because I was happy that he’d found the one he wanted and that she made him happy. One of us would be happy and that was good enough for me. It didn’t really matter that I wouldn’t be; he was happy.

So, how to tell if you’re in love can be summed up in three points:

1) You stop acting like yourself, to the point that it gets confusing.

You will often find yourself way outside your usual boundaries, acting out of character and sometimes even going against your own rules.

2) The person becomes the center of your intense focus and you want to do whatever you can to bring them into your life.

This can lead to not taking in the clues their are trying to give you about their own feelings, as it did in my case. Marc was trying to tell me that he wanted to be with me as well, as I found out later. Learn from my mistake and take a breath so you can back up and see if they are trying to tell you something you’re going to want to hear.

3) The other person’s happiness is more important than your own. Hands down, every time.


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