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Posts from April, 2009

How to Know if you Both Should Still Work on the Relationship

Apr 18

A relationship with someone is one of the nicest things we can experience in our lifetime. However there are times when a relationship would not turn out the way you want it to be. There are times when feel that the relationship is rather toxic for the both of you. But if you feel that you can still work on it, then perhaps this is something you should consider.

Relationship

Here are some tips you should have take into consideration before deciding if you want to work on your relationship:

• Talk it out with your partner. Try to see what the problems were.
• Check if your partner is willing to give it another go. After all both of you would be working on it.
• Formulate concrete plans on how to make your relationship work
• Take the time off. Go to some place by yourself. Think about the relationship and see if it is worth placing more effort into.
• Come up with a pros and cons list. It might be easier to list things and see it on paper. See if your pros really outweigh the cons.
• Ask friends and family. Tell them to let you know what your good traits and bad traits are. See how these would apply to your relationship.
• Ask your partner what are the things he or she would want you to change in order to help the relationship.
• Tell your partner what are the problems you had with the relationship and with him or her in particular.
• If you both decide to work on it, then take the time off together. Go to some place romantic or just go out of town. There is nothing like some place quiet to help you guys talk about what has happened.
• Be honest to each other. Do not hold anything back just because you do not want to hurt the other person. It will be better for the relationship in the end if you let the other know how you feel.
• Be touchy. Touch each other again, like you did when you were first going out. Hug, hold hands and touch each other’s face, arms and waist like before. It might be hard initially but then try to do this more. It would bring you two closer and remind you of how your relationship started.
• Reminisce. Though it sounds cheesy, it helps to think about the past and remind yourself of how good it was.
• Kiss. It might seem really strange to kiss after a rough patch. But intimacy does help.
• Take the time to rebuild your relationship. Talk it over from time to time.
• Cry together. Crying also heals.
• Never blame the other for the pain. It takes two to tango. So the past failure of the relationship was not just the fault of one person. Perhaps one person was more at fault. But it was the efforts of both, or lack of, that led to the failing of the relationship.
• Do not rehash old problems. Do not start bringing up old issues. When you say try it again, it means that you would really try it again. By bringing these old issues up, you will only hurt your partner even more.
• Do not bring other people into the problem. Do not blame other people or use other people as an excuse for your problems. It is your relationship and your problem. Work on it together.
• Remember that a relationship is a two way street. There is no shortcut for this. It really takes effort and time, especially if it is an ailing relationship.
• Go out on dates. Make sure that you take the time to date because you both need time to relax.
• Be open about any problems that might come up. Nip the problem in the bud before it has the time to grow.

It would not be easy getting your relationship back on the road. It would be very difficult in fact. You will face a lot of heartache and a lot of tears. But remember that time heals all wounds. Talk about the pain. Talk about the problem. Do not be afraid to sound cheesy. After all communication is the best key to a successful relationship.


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How To Tell If Somebody Is Lying?

Apr 09

Suppose that you went to a friend of yours with a fake smile on your face, and then told him that you were sad, would he believe you?

No, he would never believe you because he can see the smile on your face; in other words, he has noticed the inconsistency between what you are saying and your facial expression.

You might think “Nobody smiles when appearing to be sad” and you’d be right on that, but I’m not talking here about conscious inconsistencies; I’m talking about unconscious ones.

Your subconscious mind controls many of your involuntary functions like that of breathing, sweating, heart-beating….etc. when someone attempts to lie they usually control their facial expressions and tone of voice, but their unconscious mind still controls all other involuntary signals like body language and respiration rate. These unconscious signals are what we will be using to detect if they are lying; if their words are consistent with their unconscious signals then they are saying the truth otherwise, they are lying.

This article is not about intuitive or logical tricks but provides lying detection methods that are based on deep psychological concepts and proven facts.

Signs that Show if Someone Is Lying
The following are signs you should look for when attempting to spot a liar:

* Body Language: Liars usually hide their palms and don’t sit straight while telling a lie. They also avoid eye contact at the time of the lie and generally use negative evaluation gestures if they feel bad while lying

Smile

* Eye Accessing Cues Mismatch: According to NLP The direction the eye takes reflects the function taking place in the brain at the time. For example, looking towards the upper left side means that you are constructing an image in your mind while looking at the upper right side would mean that you are recalling an image. How can that be of use? Well, think about it, if someone looks towards the upper left when asked about something, he’s probably constructing an image of the lie he’s about to tell. This is just one sign that he might be lying.

* Inconsistencies in the Story: In different places and times, the story is more likely to change every single time it is discussed. He will forget a word, add something completely new, or remove something that he had previously mentioned. Regardless of the type of inconsistency, it shows he is lying.

* Feeling Anxious: Almost anyone who lies feels anxious, with various degrees depending on how professional the liar is. One of your concerns should be trying to spot his state of anxiety; talk as much as you can about the subject in order to keep him anxious.

* Avoiding the Subject: A person who wants to hide something will usually try to avoid bringing it up in the conversation or even talking about anything remotely related to it. Try to talk about anything related to the situation without addressing it directly and see if he tries to jump out of it into another topic.

* Lack of Assertiveness: Unless that person is a special agent who is professionally trained to lie, he will usually lack assertiveness while lying. His tone of voice will be lower and he will appear to be less confident.

* Speaking Slowly: When lying, the person will usually be making up events as he goes along, which will result in slower speech or even several complete stops to think about what he’s about to say.


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How to Get Your Girl Back

Apr 02

in the heat of the moment, you could not stand it anymore and you told your girlfriend that you want to end your four year relationship. You realized that all the problems and issues seemed to be too much and it is just so difficult. After a sleepless night, you realize that you were wrong about the whole thing. You cannot be without her. She means the world to you and you would do just about anything to get her back. So how do you actually get her back? Here are some ways that might possibly work to get her back into your arms again:

Love

• ask her if you can work things out again. Tell that you are very sorry for making a rash decision without thinking it through.
• Talk about your decision to quit it. Explain to her why you chose to end it during the fight.
• Talk about your issues. There must be some serious issues to want you to break up with her. Let her know about the problems you have with the relationship
• Woo her back. Start courting her all over again.
• Remember you are back to square one. You need to prove it to her once more that you are worthy of her.
• Send her flowers again. Be sweet to her all over again. Remind her of the reasons as to why she said yes in the first place.
• Show your love and care for her. Bring her food at work because you know she will be hungry. Show up after work to pick her up and send her home.
• Send her text messages telling her that you love her.
• Go out of town and talk about what had happened. Make the effort to understand what truly transpired between the both of you.
• Write her a letter. She would appreciate the effort. Explain it to her in your letter why you did what you did and tell her how you feel about her. Be honest and sincere about it. Do not use flowery words. It will only turn her off.
• Talk to her friends and family members. Ask them how you can make it up to her
• Give her the space and time she needs to think. This is just as difficult for her as it is for you. She needs to think about what to do. She needs to decide what to do with your relationship.
• Respect her decision. If she does not want to get back together for the mean time, then let her do her own thing. Just be consistent in your actions. If you told her that you will do whatever it takes to get her back, just do that. Make her feel important again in your life. at one point in her life, you already made her feel insignificant when you wanted to break up with her. So be consistent with your actions and make her know that you are sincere with what you are saying
• Do not go for other women. This is not the time to play the field. Take this time to assess your relationship as well. find out if you really want to get back together with her and if she is really worth all the effort and trouble. This break from each other will also make you realize if you really love her.
• Give yourself time to think. This is the perfect opportunity to assess your love for her. If it is genuine, then you will make all the effort for her. But if you are not willing to make effort for her anymore, then cut it out already. No use in hurting yourselves any longer. Just cut it loose.
• Get feedback from other people. Find out if she still loves you or wants to get back together with you. If she does not seem to want to anymore, then decide if you still want to try to woo her back to you. If it is too troublesome, then it is probably best that it ended when it did

Breakups are the most difficult part in a relationship. So make sure that you decide carefully if you want to get back together with someone you already broke up with. If you decide to do so, then go full speed ahead with a lot of effort. If you are not willing to work on it, then do not bother and save yourself all the headaches and troubles.


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