How to Fight for Your Partner and Not Against Your Partner

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Sometimes in a relationship it is difficult to remember that you are a team, not enemies. Even couples who love one another and couples who have the best of intentions get into disagreements and say hurtful things to one another.

If you can remember that the person you love is your partner, and not someone you should be fighting against, it can chance how you attempt to resolve conflicts. When you remember that you are meant to be together and meant to be a team it will help make your relationship progress much more smoothly.

If you and your partner are having problems seeing eye-to-eye, give the issue a rest for a few days and give each other time to think. Then, after some time has past perhaps you have both calmed down enough to discuss the situation rationally.

When attempting to resolve conflicts with the person several things should be happening. This list below show signs of a healthy argument versus a vicious fight:

Signs of a Healthy Argument

—You do not judge one another for how you feel. Meaning, you do not tell your partner he or she “should” feel a certain way.

Everyone has the right to feel the way they do as long as they are not taking out that emotion on another human being.

—You are listening during the discussion at least as much as you are talking. You have allowed the other person adequate time to say what needs to be said without trying to shut that person up.

—You are not exchanging hateful words towards one another. Equally as important, you are not lashing at each other physically.

—Honest sharing and objective evaluation is taking place. For instance, the wife may be simply explaining that she feels rejected and lonely her husband does not kiss her goodnight. She may then ask him to kiss her goodnight more often.

—Problems are getting resolved. A solution has been drawn up that suits both partners, and not just one of the two. This is very important because there is no “I” in “we”. Remember, every relationship requires a moderate amount of compromise.

—Both partners are considerate, and there is no expectation of “my way or the high way.” Both parties’ needs in the relationship are considered, and effort is made to make each other happy.

—Past issues are not being brought up that are irrelevant to the current issue being discussed. If this is the case, an agreement can be made to discuss those irrelevant issues at another time, and just resolve the issue that pertains to right now.

—It takes practice to begin to “fight fair” in a relationship after years of bickering with your partner. However, now that you have been introduced to the characteristics of a healthy argument you can make positive changes starting today.