How You Can End a Date that has Gone Bad
There are times that we go out with a guy that we feel could be “the one” and it ends up that he is completely the opposite. For instance, instead of a normal restaurant, he takes you to a fast food place for your first date and expects you to collect and pay for your own meal! Or you’ve gotten all dressed up for a wonderful evening on the town and he shows up in the same shirt he’s been wearing all day and torn jeans and takes you to a bar where he spends the evening checking out other women or talking to his friends who hang out there all week!
When these things happen to you, you wonder why you even said yes to him in the first place. But you’re a nice girl and nice girls are never rude, so you grin and bear it all. In fact, when he wants to switch locations, you agree and he takes you to an even worse place than before. To save yourself from further torture and torment, here are a few things that you should do to end a disastrous date early, with the grace and confidence that you intend:
1. Take him to the side, if you are surrounded by his friends, and tell him gently and firmly that the evening is just not working out for you. Thank him for the nice date and let him know that there is just no chemistry that you are feeling between the two of you. Most men are not good at guessing what we feel even if we’re obviously uncomfortable, so it is important to be clear and firm about what we say.
2. Don’t give him a goodnight kiss. A goodnight kiss is reserved for those dates that go fantastically well and when we feel that the man’s effort during the date deserves this tiny but most meaningful of rewards. If you hated the date you were on and you give him a kiss, even just a peck on the cheek, this will send the wrong signals and he’ll just think that you were uncomfortable only on that one night, and that maybe you can do it again soon. So just thank him and tell him that you can find your own way home so that you don’t have to sit through even more discomfort if he offers to drive you.
3. If you really hated the date and know that you would definitely not go out with him again, make it clear. He may beg you for another chance by setting another date, but say no and be firm. You may consider dating him again, but if you really don’t want to then don’t beat around the bush and send mixed signals. It will turn out more unfair for the both of you and you’ll end up in another night of torment with him again before realizing it.
4. To stay friends or not to stay friends. This all depends. If you both started out as friends and this date didn’t really do anything to damage your friendship to the point of not wanting to be in the same room together, then staying friends would be okay. Maybe that is how you and he were meant to be – just friends. If it was really horrible and he makes a big deal about it all the time and will never let you forget “the time your abandoned him on a date” then maybe it is better the you just keep away and avoid his friendship. Maybe you weren’t intended to have anything to do with each other after all.
Since lots of men are basically clueless about whether their dates are uncomfortable or not, it is important that we, as women, be clear about what our needs and preferences are. If you are not clear, then it marks the beginning of more trouble in the future. Being clear about our needs and being firm about our decisions can help us avoid nasty nights out that turn out in disaster. Instead, be graceful and confident bring the nasty situation to a place where everyone is comfortable and inconvenienced.